The Age of Confusion: Reason

"Doubt is part of all religion. All religious thinkers were doubters." -Isaac Bashevis Singer

I first found this quote several years ago, while I was trying "find myself" in the wake of a personal crisis. I added it to an entire page of quotes from famous figures, some of which were actual wisdom, while others were probably utter rubbish. I don't think I have that list anymore, but I've always remembered this one specifically, and I think it might have some merit. And while I consider the term "religion" to be too one-dimensional to adequately describe Christianity, I nevertheless maintain that there is truth to the quote itself.

In light of my recent struggles with doubt (in both my faith and myself regarding it), I've been fervently seeking answers to reassure me that I'm not a lost cause because of it. Fortunately I didn't have to go far to find that reassurance, once I knew what I needed to find. Apart from many encouraging words from trusted counsel, there was also a wealth of reading material readily available at my fingertips regarding the subject. Apparently such experiences are not uncommon. Go figure.

I want to start by acknowledging that, in fact. There are, of course, Biblical examples of doubt among Christ's followers. However, on a more modern note, even a quick search revealed prime examples of the truth of the quote above. Reading about some of those examples (and if you didn't bother to click the link, tldr: C.S. Lewis, Mother Teresa, and Martin Luther, among others) was a great reassurance in itself. As some of the body's most profound thinkers have wrestled with doubt, who am I to think that I should be immune to it?

Also, as I mentioned, amid my reading I also sought personal counsel from several brothers and sisters to whom I look as either mentors or peers. As I voiced my concerns, the nearly unanimous response was unexpectedly optimistic. Not that I anticipated condemnation by any means, but what I received, in addition to moral support and prayer, was encouragement, in that my introspective recognition and subsequent concern for my condition of doubt is a sign that I'm still growing in my faith (as opposed to having given up in light of hardship). The notion is that recognition was a necessary part of my maturation.

My experience through all of this has led me to believe that some measure of doubt is essential, like a sort of growing pain for faith. I'm certainly no expert on the matter, and I'm sure growth must manifest differently for different people, but I inwardly wonder how faith can ever mature without it.

What it all boils down to in the end is this: yes, I have had doubts. Many of them, in point of fact. But I don't think that means my faith has been shaken, just that it has been tried, and that hasn't been comfortable. But what matters is not that I've questioned even some important things. What matters is that questioning has not ended with me giving up on finding answers that reveal truth. I am resolved to search for the answers I seek until my doubts are laid to rest, or until I am. That, I think, is the essence of faith.