Beyond Belief

Progress report, for those following.

I've figured out what it is that's missing (see paragraph 2), which links a formal Christian title to a reflecting Christian lifestyle. The fact is, despite what I believe and proclaim as a lifestyle, and truly a purpose for my own existence, what I'm lacking in my faith is an actual relationship with Father, Son, and Spirit.

This brings me to an important side note; one that I've considered for years, in fact. I used to take severe issue with Christianity being called a "religion," probably because it made it sound too contrived, regimented, and impersonal. To the core of me, even when I walked astray for all those years, I knew that Christian faith was more than just a bunch of rules and rituals. It's meant to be personal; a relationship. Calling it a religion doesn't even begin to do justice to what it was meant to be.

Since then I've learned to not take such offense, and at one point I even began calling it both, because the rules and rituals are important, to varying degrees. But within the past few months I've questioned even that stance. Because does a healthy relationship, as Christianity ought to be, not also have a fair presence of such things? I think it's meant to. Therefore, I stick to my initial position, that it shouldn't be a religion at all, but completely relational. And on that note, it does stand to reason that the following of laws and traditions is a gesture of love, more than one of obligation.

This is precisely where my problem begins. Without a relationship, what I have is merely a religion. As such, it's meaningless. Anyone can claim a creed and live by its morals. But without the all-important relational aspect, all that makes is a whitewashed tomb. All the claims and deeds are empty, and a person living such a lie is spiritually no better off than one who embraces a completely misguided life.

I'm still placing my hope in a revelation for development of a true relationship. I want to want Christ. I need, for the first time in my life, for my actions to not be for selfish gain.