Ending Theme

I often hear questions about testimony. Questions like, "When did you give your life to Jesus?" or, "Under what circumstances did He become your Lord and Savior?" As I think they should, they always make me consider the "journey so far." So often it seems like there should be one chief, defining moment, above all defining moments, at which point a person truly relinquishes that position of authority and dominion to the Lord. And while I have had revelations and points in time in which I learned a lot, I don't personally know that I could pick out that "single moment" in my own life.

Before getting any further, let me say that those moments of revelation and exposition have been amazingly enlightening for me. Many encounters, in fact, have brought forth knowledge, and even wisdom. What I've noticed is that those things tend to lead to more of themselves. That is to say that when properly applied, knowledge begets more knowledge, and wisdom begets more wisdom.

Yet, as personally satisfying as the acquisition of these things can be, even these are not, in and of themselves, good enough. They, like worship songs, fellowship, theology, and many other things, are mere tools given for a purpose: to worship and grow in relationship with Christ. They are the means, not the end. The bow, rather than the target.

What, then, changes these gifts of utility and makes them truly usable? That is the question with which I'm now faced. For this, I have theories. I have the idea that in order to truly grow closer to Christ, we must reach the end of ourselves; to realize that all things are ultimately in His power, and we have to make the decision to relinquish our insistence on control. This aligns with the opening questions. But does He not also expect us to move and to act? I can work until I reach my limits, but at what point does the relationship begin to manifest, and how do I recognize it when it does?

On principle, I hate ending posts with questions. Though I'm bewildered and frustrated, this is far from giving up. I just don't know what comes next.