Constant Motion

Another revelation hit today, as I was dwelling on why it is that I've been so stressed out and depressed lately, and why I've felt like I've been fighting a losing battle. It seems like a lot of things have been shouting at me again, in that silent way they do, about from where this problem stems. And once again, there was one point where it all just kind of came together and made sense.

God talks.

The key lies in the constant balancing act in which I've had to keep myself engaged. Between work, school, church activities, personal health, social life, hobbies, and miscellaneous commitments, I have a surprisingly full plate. That in itself is not necessarily unhealthy, but I think the general message here is that I've taken on more than I can handle.

Now, anyone probably could have told me this. In fact, my pastor/counselor basically did, in saying that I need to take some time and figure out something that is personally enriching for me, and make sure that I do it, because my not doing it is like an appliance being unplugged from the wall. He even went as far as to say that, if necessary, I might give myself a break from school to focus on something smaller, in order to allow myself the satisfaction of having accomplished something, to sort of boost my morale. The notion, then, is bigger goals get fulfilled later. This principle is similar to one I've outlined before, but often forget.

It seems like a theme for me, going through long seasons of complacency, intermittently punctuated by short bursts of energy, during which I try to take on everything all at once, in order to catch up on the time I've wasted. Except it really doesn't work like that. Production and improvement take time, dedication, and commitment; not just hard work. They require a sort of buildup of momentum, which brief, random periods of activity don't allow. They have to be cultivated, just like anything worth having.

I don't plan on dropping out of school or anything too drastic, even though I've been particularly disheartened by that lately. But this does make me think that it's time to reevaluate my priorities, weed out some of the non-essentials, and fill my time with more enriching things, in an effort to pace myself and not spread myself too thin.