Invictus

It's hard trying to pull yourself out of depression. My last post was a testament to that. But I realize leaving off on such a dark note is probably not the best thing to do, even with no readers. More for personal reasons than anything else, it's time to give voice to the thoughts since then that have most likely been the answers to my prayers and those of anyone else who prays for me.

I should clarify: I don't imagine that this is a huge turning point, during which I instantaneously change from the depressive person that I am. That's a more deep-seated problem, and it will take a long time to heal. And the fact of the matter is, my conditions haven't changed. But in this case, it seems to be for the better, in the long-term.

With my last post, I noted that these material difficulties I'm experiencing in life were just that: trials to strengthen my faith. And while I don't doubt the partial accuracy of that conclusion, I now feel like there's more to it; that there's a bigger picture still. Unsurprisingly, it's not just about me, though I am undoubtedly tied in.

I recall reading, almost a year ago now, the book called Crazy Love. One of the main points that stuck out to me was that our lives are not about us. We aren't placed here to live out comfortable, happy lives and elevate our own status. We're here to glorify God.

As I go through troubles, I often draw parallels to the story of Job. I realize, of course, that my troubles are nothing compared to what his were, and the reason might be completely different, but the idea is the same: a man going through troubles, the worst yet in his life, but determined to stay faithful to his Heavenly Father.

The similarities kinda stop there. I certainly don't see myself as any kind of blameless, upright man, and I know I'm not particularly good at "shunning evil" either. But you see, that's where my focus has been: the beginning and the middle of Job. That's where it feels like I am at this point in life, and so it is, to my mind, relevant to my current situation. But I've also read the end of Job. The part where he gets not the answers he seeks, but a spirit bomb attack of humility from the Almighty Himself; one that lasts a stunning four chapters. Even those, though, don't do justice to the point I'm making. The point comes in during the very last chapter of Job, where God takes everything that has fallen apart in Job's life and puts it back together, except much better than before.

So what's my point? Actually, not the notion that God might make my life better than before. Not that, so much as the fact that only He can. I've been reminded of the Old Testament, during which God came through for His servants countless times, and in ways that it was brazenly obvious that it was Him. Do you think that Jericho would have fallen to the sound of trumpets if God hadn't told the Israelites to play them to that end? Or that Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego could have survived the furnace if God hadn't saved them? I'll spare any further examples here, but rest assured, they are many.

During situations like these, it seems that God intentionally allows all other escapes to be blocked off, leaving His power and care alone to account for the conclusion. We are left with no choice but to acknowledge and glorify Him. In that sense, whatever paltry strife I am experiencing right now, no matter how grim it looks, when God resolves the situation in whatever way and timing He has decided to do so, the ultimate victory will be glory to Him alone.

My part in this? I am to be patient, to endure, and to learn. God is tempering my life. A life that needed to pass through cleansing fire before it could adequately contribute to our ultimate purpose: to bring glory to His name.