One of the frustrating things about progress is the inevitable regression. There's nothing that knocks you off of an emotional high from successfully improving your habits quite like stepping back into your old ways. And one thing I've noticed with it is that once you've done it one time, it becomes much easier to do it again.
This whole one step forward, two steps back thing that happens entirely too often is disheartening, to say the least. I find myself constantly coming down on myself every time I screw up and slip back to my old ways. The thing that frustrates me about it is pretty much everything. I know the problem as it's happening, and I feel powerless to stop it. Then, once I'm through the phase, I remember that, while there isn't anything that makes backsliding okay, it is at least understandable, and even to be expected, to an extent. Yet, that doesn't make me feel better about it. I still feel guilty, ashamed, and irritated with myself, despite the normalcy of regression and the knowledge that I'm already forgiven.
Times like this, I try to remind myself of the progress I've made in this respect, and that the internal adversity is to be expected, and that I need to be patient and gracious with myself. Most importantly, I need to remember and be comforted by the fact that no sin can ever separate me from God's love and forgiveness. It's just so hard for me, because I have so much trouble forgiving myself, I have trouble imagining anyone else being able to do so, even the Creator of everything, who knows me better than I know myself.
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