All a Man Can Do

I've been thinking a lot about the life-change that is Christ-following. More specifically, as it has applied to my life on a personal level. Last year I made a decision to actively follow Christ in everything I do. To me this decision was a black and white. I either am or am not trying to follow Him. This much I still believe to be true. However, what that looks like over the long term is maybe not what I'd idealized.

You hear, in people's testimonies, about when they were saved. This, too, is a black and white issue. Salvation is something you have at once, when you accept Christ as your Lord and Savior. However, a subconscious misconception I had was that my life would immediately, completely, and permanently reflect that in every way. It's now finally beginning to sink in for me that that's really not how it works. Salvation is a gift you only need to accept in order to have it, but that change in lifestyle is definitely a long-term, even lifelong process. It's not instantaneous, it's not easy, and it's not painless.

I envision God and myself having a conversation. I receive Him and agree to live my life to His glory. Well, then it gets complicated. He says something like, "Okay. I can change your heart, but I'm gonna have to remove some things. It's gonna take time, and it's gonna hurt a lot. Are you ready? Here we go." The painful process of life-renovation begins then.

This is the process I've been wrestling with, especially over the past year. Amid trying to allow God to make changes, which are painful but necessary, our enemy also notices a genuine will to change. Afraid of what we are capable of, he seeks to thwart us in every possible way. We are bound to face a bombardment of trials, which are allowed to act as a sort of crucible for our soul. I speak mostly for myself here, but I think we are bound to fail repeatedly before we experience victory in this endeavor.

The hardest thing for me has been accepting that it is what it is: a process of stumbling and falling before I can truly learn to use God as the firm ground on which to stand. My pride has very often stood directly in my way of progressing, in that it blinds me to the humbling truth: that I need patience and grace, even and especially from myself.