In the interest of being true to my commitment to keeping this blog real and candid, I feel like it's important to not overlook subjects that are considered taboo. For some reason, in my mind anyway, the idea of being unwillingly single is one such subject.
The truth is, it does spend a lot of time on my mind. I don't vocalize it as much as I have in the past, for reasons I'll have to save for another post, but it's definitely still there. And given as much time as I think about it, I'm often left trying to justify a desire for a romantic relationship with what's said about it in the Bible. However, being a relationship, similar to ours as Christians with God, there isn't really a hard and fast, universally applicable set of guidelines for how that's dealt with. At least not that can be verbalized simply.
On a more personally specific note, hand in hand with unwanted singleness is the concept of unrequited love. Of course, this is something we see in media pretty much everywhere. It's "romantic" and "tragic" and "beautiful," and all manner of other flowery descriptions of a great love story. But speaking from the perspective, all I can say about it is that it's painful. It's confusing, frustrating, and exhausting, and it feels unfair. That's all I'll say, because anyone reading this has probably experienced these feelings to some degree.
The thing I've been considering lately is why this sort of thing is permitted in our lives. The only conclusion I can draw is that it's here to bring us closer to God. He allows pain into our lives to bring us closer to Him. I've written before about the idea that our trials help to temper and shape us to be more Christ-like, and of course it says as much in the Bible. This, while unique in the sense that it's far more relational than other trials, is nonetheless permitted in our lives for that very purpose. In fact, I believe it does a better job in some respects than do most other trials.
The theology of human romance was first introduced to me when I was reading Hosea a while ago. I'd never known, before then, what the book itself was about, but I think it fairly nails what I'm getting at here. A basic synopsis of the first few chapters is that Hosea's wife is unfaithful to him, while he's faithful to her. The rest of the book relates that to God's relationship with His people. In short, they're like an unfaithful bride to Him.
While this is an extreme real-life example that dwarfs anything I've experienced by a wide margin, it does serve the purpose of getting me to think on those terms, which heavily affects the way I view relationship with God. In the truest sense, He's an unrequited lover. He's there to receive and love each person as His own, should they only turn to Him. I think He longs to pour out His blessings onto each of us, but too often we spurn Him repeatedly.
I doubt this is the entirety of lessons to be learned from this uncomfortable place in my life. But what I'm currently picking up from this situation is in the form of a firsthand account of a mere taste of this pain. It seems like He's giving me a faint glimpse of the way He's suffered since the fall of man (I know time means nothing to God, but bear with me). It's like He's telling me, "See? This is what it feels like when you put other things first, or just feel apathetic toward Me."
Since I have a history of such apathy, it's clear why such a lesson is necessary. My hope and prayer is that the sorrow I feel from this will further soften my heart, as my next step in walking ever closer to Him.
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